Recovery Story - Lily

How did your addictive behaviour develop?

Looking back, I think I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol from a very young age. I started drinking at about 11 or 12 with my mum. Only a little at that point but I was never satisfied and always wanted more, sneaking alcohol into the house, and stealing my mum’s alcohol.

However, things got really out of hand when I started ‘self-medicating’ with it, to feel better when I was depressed, cope with trauma and anxiety. It became an emotional crutch.

What challenges were you facing?

Life was unravelling at an alarming rate of knots. I had been done for drink driving, had lost three jobs due the in direct results of my drinking. I was becoming increasingly isolated and realised that I had lost all control of the situation.

What led to the decision to choose SMART Recovery?

Utter desperation and terror. I had lost all faith in my ability to stop drinking given the numerous failed attempts I had made over the last six years. I had never liked the idea of group meetings, didn’t feel comfortable with it and failed to see how sitting in a room with people with the same problem as me was going to help me. I had been to one AA meeting in the past but didn’t feel it was for me largely due to the ‘spiritual’ element of it. However, the one thing I did know was that everything I had tried in the past, on my own had been a resounding failure so I decided to put my preconceived ideas to one side and try it anyway.

How long did it take to attend a meeting?

I think I contacted Steve Downie in early September and attended the first meeting the following week.

Who was involved in the process?

Just Steve. I had found his number on the SMART Recovery Chorley website.

Did it meet your expectations?

No, not at all, but in the best way possible. I found it very useful and helpful. I was very surprised at how much I got out of it and even manged to have a bit of a laugh at the meeting too, which I absolutely did not expect.

Did you encounter any problems?

I suppose I was slow to engage with people at first. I have always considered myself not to be a ‘people person’ and like to keep everyone at arm’s length. I have unfortunately developed a very pessimistic view of humanity and have a very difficult time trusting people and opening up to them.

If so, how did you solve them?

I just kept attending and observing, the thing that really struck me was how everyone at the group seemed to genuinely care about everyone else and wanted to help them in their recovery, without there being any personal agenda or ulterior motive.

I eventually took a huge leap of faith (for me anyway) and joined the WhatsApp group. It’s from there that I have really got to know people and bonded with them.

What have been the benefits?

I am now just over six months sober which is the best I have managed in the last six years. I feel like a completely different person than I did seven months ago.

Everything is much more stable; I haven’t had a day of work since I stopped drinking (my absence record was terrible) and I am starting to build new relationships.

Can’t comment on the family part as I don’t have any immediate family left and many old friendships were long gone due to my self-imposed isolation to hide my addiction. But I am making new connections slowly but surely which is a major step forward for me.

What have been the most significant changes you have made?

Finally putting my recovery first, connecting with other people which I was very reluctant to do and is a massive step for me. I suppose seeing clearly for the first time that just because I didn’t get to the stage of losing my job, losing my home, needing an inpatient detox, doesn’t mean I don’t have the same issue as those who have. I just addressed it slightly before they did, but all of the underlying issues / problems are the same. The addiction is the same.

I am also now finally aware that recovery is something that I will be doing for the rest of my life, but I see that as a positive rather than a negative.

Is there any advice you would give to another person thinking about using the SMART Recovery programme?

Just go, don’t hesitate, don’t over think it, just try it. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I would put good money on it that you will never look back.